I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
