They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
