i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
