I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
