That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
