no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
