Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
