i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
