He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize