You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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