I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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