yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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