So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
