So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
