"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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