We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
