I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
