Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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