Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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