Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
