dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
