i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
