I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have fence marks all over my body
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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