I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
