By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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