Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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