your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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