I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
