i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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