This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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