dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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