you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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