I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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