Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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