Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
