No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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