Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
