I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
