nutella sex= disaster
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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