i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
