do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
