Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
