i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
