We won't sleep together?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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