the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
