Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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