You're my little dorito
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
