In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
