We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
