soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
