If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
