and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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