Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
