that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
