Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
