This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize