I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
