Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
