If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
