If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's never too late to be topless.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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