Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
