i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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