pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
