Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
