i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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