he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize