turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
