I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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