Duck Duck Cougar?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
