dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
