I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
