Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
