dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
