Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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