I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You are the jesus of drinking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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