that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he fucked my hip out of place.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize