I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have aggressive nipples.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
