He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
