Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
