He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
