If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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